


Missing You

by helpmeimstuckon



Series: FitzSimmons Drabbles [8]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 2x05, Angst, F/M, Missing Scene, Post-Episode: s02e05 A Hen in the Wolf House, forgive my formating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 17:50:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2630840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helpmeimstuckon/pseuds/helpmeimstuckon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just after the scene cut near the end of s02e05.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing You

“How’ve you been?”   
She says it so innocently, so lightly, he almost thinks it really isn’t her.   
He wasn’t sure in the first place but… How’ve you been? How’ve you been?  
 _How have I been?_  Fitz thought.  _How have I fucking been? Jemma, you lied to me and then you disappeared. You didn’t say anything and then I find out you’ve gone on some idiotic suicide mission inside of HYDRA and you could have died. You could have died. And it would have been my fault._  
“Um, yeah, I’m uh, I’m fine. I’ve been fine. I’ve been a bit… ehh… stressed. Working alone and all, but fine, mostly. And you?”  
 _How’ve I been?_ Jemma’s mind reeled.  _I’ve been undercover at the most dangerous possible place in the world, thinking I had no backup and no way to contact you– you all. The Team. No way to contact the Team. If something had gone wrong, like it did, I thought I was alone in there. I got lucky that Bobbi was there. I thought I was going to die. Alone and far away from you._  
“Same. Fine. Stressed. I mean. I’ve been–”  
“Doing undercover work in HYDRA, I know.”   
A silence filled the space. Jemma felt trapped between what she wanted and what she knew he needed. His speech patterns were better. Less stumbling, less muttering, fewer word drops. In their short conversation she could see that she had been right. She was the source of the trauma. She was what was making recovery so hard.   
“You seem–”  
“You look–”  
“Sorry.”  
“No, I mean I…” Fitz trailed off and dropped his eyes from her for the first time since she entered the room. “You… ah. You go ahead.”  
Jemma felt the smile drop. His looking away left her with a physical loss, as if his mere gaze was the piece that had been missing all this time away. “I just…” Jemma plastered a soft smile to her lips. “You seem, well, better. Your condition seems to have improved.”  
 _Oh has it? Really? Because it feels like I’m getting worse every single day._ Fitz thought.  _Every single day without you, has been a self-inflicted hell. And it’s my fault. Because you left because of me, because I was broken. I was broken and struggling to even speak and losing control of my hands, the only thing I could rely on for so long and you leave me here utterly and completely alone. And I can’t even blame you._  
“Ya, well, I guess.” Fitz pulled an arm from where it was crossed and straightened some papers on the desk in front of him. “I was gonna say that your hair looks nice. Different, you’ve had it long for…”

“Ages?” Jemma finished. He couldn’t tell if she could tell he had trailed off or if she just finished on instinct. She didn’t know either. “I figured, might as well, undercover and all that. I had been thinking about it for a while as well.”  
 _I lost the one person I couldn’t live without because you were too stubborn not to let me go and I was too stubborn to leave you._  Jemma thought,  _Do you understand that Fitz? I could never leave you. Do you understand that? I couldn’t leave you, Fitz, but I broke you. I broke the man I knew. I had to do something to stop seeing the people we use to be. All I could see in the mirror was all of the times you absentmindedly played with a strand of my hair during Doctor Who. All of the years I’ve known you. All of the things I ruined._  
“Yeah, well it looks good. Suits you.” Fitz pulled his arms to his chest, crossing them tightly.  
Jemma shifted her weight.   
 _This is all my fault._  Fitz thought.  _And I’m so scared Jemma. I’ve been alone and scared and seeing you. Clearly not really you, but I’ve been seeing you all the same, the hallucination hasn’t left my side for more than a moment_.  
Fitz took a half step back.  
 _I couldn’t stand to leave you in the water_ , Jemma’s mind intoned,  _so I did something selfish, and stupid, something for me, and I dragged you back to fresh air and I wasn’t fast enough. I just wasn’t fast enough._  
The silence thickened.   
 _And for fucks sake Jemma, I’ve missed you.  
And for fucks sake, Fitz, I’ve missed you._  
Neither of them could bring forth the effort to fill the space with noise.  
 _And I love you. And you know that.  
And you love me. And I know that._  
And so they didn’t.  
 _But you left because of me._  
But you broke because of me.   
“I’ve got to go.” Jemma lied after a moment. “Paperwork and all that.”  
“Yeah, go ahead.”  
“I’ll see you, Fitz.”  
“Yeah, whenever Jem–” Fitz lifted his eyes and Jemma felt stony, like she had done something wrong. Fitz felt the same, but his worry had a cause. ‘Jemma’ was someone who hadn’t left him, ‘Jemma’ was someone he hadn’t driven away, ‘Jemma’ wasn’t a name he got to say to her face now, maybe ever. He didn’t deserve it. “Simmons. Whenever.” Fitz turned his back to her and started meandering back to his table.  
Jemma stood for a moment, shocked by her lie, and how seamlessly he turned away. Like he didn’t know it wasn’t true. But Jemma, eventually, turned. She opened the door and was about to pass the final panel of glass before she looked up. She didn’t expect him to meet her eyes. He didn’t expect her to look back. Not for the first time that day, they were both wrong, but they looked away too fast to see it.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks to my beta pandalandalopalis, who i am forever in the debt of.


End file.
